"We are Humans"

The rough draft for "We are Humans!"

http://www.mediafire.com/?fpdjdk21lbsfid4

Peer review anyone?

Here's the current draft for it

http://www.mediafire.com/?20fip25kjs03fp4

Critical Analysis of the story~

Title : Comparatively longer and a bit mainstream. Not particularly catchy, but can be done so with a slight change in wordings.

Opening : Decent start to make the setting appealing, but makes the reader wonder about the setting/location until he/she is a few paragraphs into the story. This however may act as an element of suspense for the more patient readers. Also, the introduction is a bit too fast even considering the fact it is a short story.

Flow : The flow from even to event is done well, with appropriate vocabulary used to aid it. Some parts are paced a bit too fast, while a few others are slowed down, but sometimes not at the right times.
For example, most of the death scenes are too fast, where they would convey more emotion if slowed down, but most of the fighting scenes are slowed down, which bring aggressiveness into the story whose plot is on emotion and hope.

Vocabulary : The usage of vocabulary is excellent and convey the meaning of the writer to the reader, without making things too complicated for the average person. However, the language is similar to the present, and I personally feel that a new narration style should be developed in the story so that a 'futuristic feel' is inculcated in the story.

Ending : Lot of emotion and the portrayal of hope is amazing. The series of events leading to it can be paced differently to aid a stronger finishing.

Originality : Influence from Halo is evident. Try creating a few new names instead for the super soliders and the aliens.

Overall : A great story which can be read so people take pride in themselves and it could also be used to promote global harmony.