Log in
Search
Who is online?
In total there are 10 users online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 10 Guests
None
Most users ever online was 186 on Sun Jul 25, 2021 6:48 pm
Top posters
| AnimE_FeveR (314) |
| |||
| naruto_owns77 (250) |
| |||
| King_of_Light2 (149) |
| |||
| abhishekj (102) |
| |||
| TurkeysRule (100) |
| |||
| Yondaime-Hokage (92) |
| |||
| Sir Jesse (80) |
| |||
| flotzy (75) |
| |||
| Cursed (64) |
| |||
| HenHen00123 (32) |
|
Latest topics
Statistics
Our users have posted a total of 2230 messages in 288 subjects
We have 51 registered users
The newest registered user is Pinksodapop16
2 posters
Colder than Snow
SilentZen- Genin
- Posts : 28
Chakra Points : 25164
Fame : 6
Join date : 2011-03-13
Age : 30
Role in JW
Character Name: Minato
Gender: Male
World Rank: Commoner
flotzy- Admin
- Posts : 75
Chakra Points : 24599
Fame : 3
Join date : 2011-07-22
Quick Suggestions~
Try to keep a continuity in first person. For example,
Since the story is in first person, 'he' is kinda out of place.
Also, try to be a bit more descriptive whenever new people or places are introduced. Hirro is called beautiful, but try describing her appearance!
The grammar is great, and needs little help.
Try to keep a continuity in first person. For example,
I woke up to find himself laying on a hard bunkbed. He was in a room filled with many
other bunkbeds as well. He looked around and saw many various kids sleeping. He noted the
many different races of children, since he hasn't seen many foreigners in back at his orphanage
in Tokyo. Then it occurred to him that he was no longer at the orphanage.
"Where am I?" he muttered.
Since the story is in first person, 'he' is kinda out of place.
Also, try to be a bit more descriptive whenever new people or places are introduced. Hirro is called beautiful, but try describing her appearance!
The grammar is great, and needs little help.
» ||~JW Official Clan Thread ~NEW!!!~||
» who is the most annoying player in jw ?
» Word about tahj
» Colder than Snow
» "We are Humans"
» Hidden Paradaise
» Apps in shit
» My encounters with the BOT