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In total there are 4 users online :: 0 Registered, 0 Hidden and 4 Guests :: 1 Bot

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Most users ever online was 186 on Sun Jul 25, 2021 6:48 pm

Top posters

AnimE_FeveR (314)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
naruto_owns77 (250)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
King_of_Light2 (149)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
abhishekj (102)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
TurkeysRule (100)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
Yondaime-Hokage (92)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
Sir Jesse (80)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
flotzy (75)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
Cursed (64)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 
HenHen00123 (32)
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap"We are Humans" I_voting_bar"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 

Latest topics

» The Beginning
"We are Humans" EmptySun Jan 15, 2023 7:07 pm by Cursed

» ||~JW Official Clan Thread ~NEW!!!~||
"We are Humans" EmptySun Mar 17, 2013 7:19 am by TurkeysRule

» who is the most annoying player in jw ?
"We are Humans" EmptyMon Jul 16, 2012 8:01 am by King_of_Light2

» Word about tahj
"We are Humans" EmptyThu Jul 05, 2012 1:52 pm by TurkeysRule

» Colder than Snow
"We are Humans" EmptyWed May 16, 2012 12:26 am by flotzy

» "We are Humans"
"We are Humans" EmptyMon May 14, 2012 9:49 am by flotzy

» Hidden Paradaise
"We are Humans" EmptyFri May 11, 2012 10:02 pm by SilentZen

» Apps in shit
"We are Humans" EmptyTue Apr 24, 2012 7:47 am by MatiUc

» My encounters with the BOT
"We are Humans" EmptySun Apr 22, 2012 10:13 am by SilentZen

Poll

What should the clan focus on next?
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap46%"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 46% [ 11 ]
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap13%"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 13% [ 3 ]
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap29%"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 29% [ 7 ]
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap4%"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 4% [ 1 ]
"We are Humans" I_vote_lcap8%"We are Humans" I_vote_rcap 8% [ 2 ]

Total Votes : 24

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Our users have posted a total of 2230 messages in 288 subjects

We have 51 registered users

The newest registered user is Pinksodapop16


2 posters

    "We are Humans"

    SilentZen
    SilentZen
    Genin
    Genin


    Posts : 28
    Chakra Points : 23929
    Fame : 6
    Join date : 2011-03-13
    Age : 29

    Role in JW
    Character Name: Minato
    Gender: Male
    World Rank: Commoner

    "We are Humans" Empty "We are Humans"

    Post  SilentZen Mon May 14, 2012 1:22 am

    The rough draft for "We are Humans!"

    http://www.mediafire.com/?fpdjdk21lbsfid4

    Peer review anyone? Very Happy

    Here's the current draft for it

    http://www.mediafire.com/?20fip25kjs03fp4



    Last edited by SilentZen on Wed May 16, 2012 4:56 am; edited 1 time in total
    flotzy
    flotzy
    Admin


    Posts : 75
    Chakra Points : 23364
    Fame : 3
    Join date : 2011-07-22

    "We are Humans" Empty Re: "We are Humans"

    Post  flotzy Mon May 14, 2012 9:49 am

    Critical Analysis of the story~

    Title : Comparatively longer and a bit mainstream. Not particularly catchy, but can be done so with a slight change in wordings.

    Opening : Decent start to make the setting appealing, but makes the reader wonder about the setting/location until he/she is a few paragraphs into the story. This however may act as an element of suspense for the more patient readers. Also, the introduction is a bit too fast even considering the fact it is a short story.

    Flow : The flow from even to event is done well, with appropriate vocabulary used to aid it. Some parts are paced a bit too fast, while a few others are slowed down, but sometimes not at the right times.
    For example, most of the death scenes are too fast, where they would convey more emotion if slowed down, but most of the fighting scenes are slowed down, which bring aggressiveness into the story whose plot is on emotion and hope.

    Vocabulary : The usage of vocabulary is excellent and convey the meaning of the writer to the reader, without making things too complicated for the average person. However, the language is similar to the present, and I personally feel that a new narration style should be developed in the story so that a 'futuristic feel' is inculcated in the story.

    Ending : Lot of emotion and the portrayal of hope is amazing. The series of events leading to it can be paced differently to aid a stronger finishing.

    Originality : Influence from Halo is evident. Try creating a few new names instead for the super soliders and the aliens.

    Overall : A great story which can be read so people take pride in themselves and it could also be used to promote global harmony.
    cheers

      Current date/time is Mon Mar 18, 2024 7:24 pm